Tormented

Tormented

A Haiku

Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash

Anguish within me,
I’m tormented inside. I’m
drowning, falling, lost.


If you’d like to get updates from me once a week, you can click here… 🙂


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

A Week For Haiku

A Week For Haiku

A Fortnight-Long Series

Photo by Gabriel on Unsplash

This week has been more than a little rough for me. At first, I thought it was just my TMJD playing up, but it turns out that that, combined with anxiety really can knock you sideways.

I have found myself struggling to write much of anything because of brain fuzz and migraines, so I’ve been writing a lot of Haiku’s. I thought I’d share them here.

I hope you’ve liked them. I figured I’d explain why I suddenly shared a week of Haiku, so.. I guess now, you know.

In the meantime, I am feeling a little less fuzzy, and I am hoping that I can start writing as per ‘normal’ (well, as normal as I get…)


If you’d like to get updates from me once a week, you can click here… 🙂


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Mental Health Days

Mental Health Days

When you need to practice self care…

Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

Last weekend was not a good weekend for me. My anxiety and depression came crashing in, and I really struggled to even get out of bed in the morning.

I struggled through part of my morning routine, before finally admitting defeat and taking to the sofa with my dogs and a blanket.

I didn’t get much done that weekend. At first I felt like beating myself up because of it, but as I allowed myself to relax, it made me realise that it was okay to take a couple of days to myself. It wasn’t going to make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things.

So, I took that time, and I relaxed, and I looked after my own wellbeing and mental health for those few days.

I am glad to say that I am feeling stronger now, and although I am well aware that there will probably be other days like these, I have learned that it is okay to admit my weaknesses and to look after myself first and foremost.

What sorts of things do you do to look after yourself when you’re having a down day?

Let me know in the comments.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Shadows

Shadows

A Haiku

Photo by Marco Bianchetti on Unsplash

When shadows come in,
They threaten to overwhelm,
I drown in darkness.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Grief and the chasm it makes

Grief and the Chasm it makes

How to carry on with life when you feel like it’s over

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

My sister passed away 15 months ago. I thought that by now, the pain would have lessened, but it hasn’t really. I miss her so much every day. I miss her laugh and her wicked sense of humour, and I miss her hugs.

She had a lot of issues, and that’s the one thing that has made losing her a little more bearable, is the thought that she is now at peace. Those issues are no longer hers to carry, and I am so thankful for that, because it was horrible seeing her suffering.

The thing is that grief works in a strange way. For some of us, the person we’ve lost was suffering; for some of us, it was completely unexpected, and there was no warning at all.

The only thing that we know for sure about grief is that it does not discriminate. It will come for us all at one time or another, and when it does, we will need to just walk through it in whichever way is right for us.

For me, this has meant surrounding myself with good friends; people who have been there for me when I’ve been crying (ugly crying) down the phone, and when I’ve needed someone to just give me a hug. It has meant throwing myself into my creative pursuits, and really focusing on them. It has meant escaping into the made up world of my stories, and the stories of others.

That’s the thing though… this is what works for me. It may not work for you, and that’s okay. What is important to remember is that we must do whatever it is that works for us.

To some extent, we must adopt an attitude of “Whatever gets you through the day.” If we do this as many times as required, we will eventually find that we have a day when we can forget this attitude, and hopefully, as time passes, those days will become more, and the “whatever gets you through the day” days will become less, and really, that’s the only way to truly tread this path of grief if we are to ever cross that chasm and make it to the other side.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and

Crocheted Mood Blanket

Crocheted Mood Blanket

A Line A Day, A Block A Month, A Blanket A Year

This year, I have introduced a new project to my routine. Some days are good days for me, and some days are not so good- that’s the thing with depression. Moods can change so easily.

It got me thinking… we all have those days where we feel like we haven’t actually managed to accomplish anything, but what if we did?

This is where my idea of a crocheted mood blanket came to me. Crochet is something that I have always found therapeutic. I read a book by Kathryn Vemillo called “Crochet Saved My Life”. In it, she talks of crippling depression and how the repetitive physical movement of crochet helped to give her something to focus on.

I guess this is where the spark came from. Imagine a crochet project made up of twelve “squares”; one for each month of the year. Every day, I plan to crochet a row in a colour that signifies the mood of the day. That way, even on my worst days, I will be able to say that I created something, and it will make me feel as if I have turned something potentially bad, into a part of something beautiful.

These are the colours I have chosen.

1. Rainbow — Hopeful

2. Yellow — Happy

3. Blue — Tired

4. Aqua — Peaceful

5. Red — Triggered

6. Black — Down

7. Pink — Creative

8. Green — Ill

9. Grey/Black — Sad

I’m hoping to post an update on this project once a month, so keep your eyes open for updates and photos. 🙂


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

January Blues

January Blues

And How To Beat Them

by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

Well, here we are, five days into January already… Has it hit you yet? What am I talking about, I hear you ask…

I’m talking about the January blues; that post-Christmas slump that seems to happen at the beginning of January, when all of the excitement and preparation for Christmas is over, and the lights, and sparkly decorations have been taken down and stowed away in the loft for another year.

I don’t know about you, but while, on one hand, I like to see the fresh clean house, once all the decorations have come down, I also feel sad to see the lights go, and the nights begin to look so much darker once more.

All too soon, life moves on and we get back to normal, and Christmas seems like nothing more than a distant memory, as work and other things of ordinary life take over.

The thing is that we all know that it will happen, eventually. At some point this January, we will all face a case of the January blues (unless you’re some kind of super human, and if you are, you probably wouldn’t be reading this, because you’d have far more important things to deal with). What we need, is to make sure that we have techniques and plans in place for when this happens.

My first technique sounds very simple: Make sure that you have a routine in place. Simple, right?! The thing is, it’s easy to put a routine in place, but finding the motivation to do it and stick to it, is the thing that can be a stumbling block. The key I’ve found, is to simply tell myself that I’ll just do ten minutes. If I do ten minutes on the tasks included on my routine, I can chalk it up as a success, and even this, as small as it sounds, can help to lift my mood.

Secondly, I make sure that I exercise (for at least ten minutes) a day. I usually do more, because once I get started, it’s easier to carry on, but giving myself permission to only do ten minutes, makes it far easier for me to get started in the first place. I also walk my dogs, which gets me out in the fresh air, which is also a big mood boost.

Thirdly, I try to practice self care. I make sure that I am eating well, and healthily. I make sure I take the time to look after myself physically. Sometimes, something as small as a longer than usual shower can help put those blues on the back foot. The thing is, we need to teach ourselves that it’s okay to look after ourselves, so go get your hair done, or get a massage, or a manicure. Whatever makes you feel good.

Fourthly, do things that you enjoy. Maybe it’s a new hobby, maybe it’s as simple as watching that tv show, or listening to that album that you love. Tell yourself that you can do this, and that it’s okay for you to have some fun! We’re not robots, and sometimes, we just need that little bit of enjoyment, especially when the blues are upon us.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all have different ways of beating the blues… but it is important that we actually employ these ways, instead of letting them fall by the wayside in the face of those dreaded blues.

What are some of your ways that you’ve found to beat the blues?


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Not Giving Up..

Not giving up..

And why it’s not the easy option…

by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Lately I’ve been in a real funk! It’s the kind of funk that I call ‘pure depression’, where I can’t even find a specific reason for it, I just wake up, feeling a bunch of yuckiness (yes, I know it’s a not a proper word… Microsoft Word told me with a red wavy line, but screw that line, I’m using it!).

The thing is, that when I wake up feeling like that, it is VERY hard to get myself motivated. It actually, genuinely feels exhausting and part of me really can’t be bothered to do anything other than curling into a ball and going back to sleep; a pseudo-hibernation, if you will… until the clouds clear and the sun peeps out once more.

However, doing this, I’ve found, is the single worst thing I can do for myself. I waste a large proportion of the day, doing nothing productive, and I find myself feeling even worse that I did before, because I’ve not done anything creative or productive, which just makes me into a failure.

I mean, I know that there are some times, when I need to listen to my body and my mind, but there are also other times, when I just simply need to give myself a good talking to, and then get up, and push through, and get on with things, because when it comes down to it, I know that all the while I am creating, I am not worthless.

So today, I will give myself that talking to, and I will get on with things, because in the end, I know that it’s good for me, even if it seems like the hardest option in the world sometimes.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

And I Am Still

And I Am Still

A Poem Without Rhyme

by David Jorre on Unsplash

Darkness comes crashing in,
Surrounds me with echoes,
Wraps me in chains,
Chokes me with metal on metal,
And I am within,
Lost, trapped, and fragile,
The slightest move threatens to break,
And I am still.

Longing for someone to see,
I don’t dare to let them in,
Alone and broken,
Caught up in pain,
And I am within,
Ropes lash at my insides,
Sharpest whips leave invisible wounds,
And I say nothing.
And I am still.

Shadows envelop me,
I can see no light,
Nothing but black,
Eerie silence fills the air,
And I am within,
I long to be free,
To rent these chains,
And I am caught,
A battle never to win,
Despite whatever fight I put up,
And I give up.
And I say nothing.
And I am still.

Sharp claws scratch me,
The beast encroaches,
I close my eyes,
If I can’t see it then maybe it’s not real,
And I am within,
It comes closer still,
It’s breath on my face,
Hot and stale and stinking,
And I am trapped.
And I give up.
And I say nothing.
And I am still.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Tiredness and chronic illness

Tiredness and chronic illness

When late nights make waking up a chore

by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

Over the last week, I seem to have been crazy busy with appointments, and other plans. This always happens towards Christmas, when there is shopping to be done, or parties to be attended, and catch ups with various people you’ve not seen for ages.

The thing is, all this is well and good, and I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy it, because I do, but it means that certain things have to be sacrificed, and this weekend, I definitely paid the price for these sacrifices.

As an introvert, while I like spending time with people, it is also mandatory that I have some alone time, where I can just be me, and I don’t have to talk or keep up conversation with people. This time, gives me the opportunity to recharge, and prevents me from getting, what I call “peopled out.”

I have also found myself going to bed later than normal, and being unable to wind down, which means that I’ve not been getting to sleep before 1.30am, which is not good for me. It’s not that I need to go to bed at 10pm, or anything, but I’m not the kind of person who can lay in after a late night. A lie in for me, is generally 8.00am.

This week, I have also been battling a particularly bad flare up of my TMJD, and a severe dip in mood, not helped by the fact that when I do fall asleep, it is into a sleep plagued with nightmares.

This is the thing with chronic illness… it seems that the minute one thing flares up, the rest all follow, like they’re throwing their own little party, except that the venue is my body and the resulting mess is left for me to manage. This is not fun!

I’m feeling a tiny bit better today, and I’m hoping that it will continue to improve, but for now, it’s going to be earlier nights, and lots of self-care, because that’s all I can really do.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.