The battle within
Of all the possible emotions to feel, anger is one that I really struggle with. Most people who know me, know that I don’t really ‘do’ anger. It confuses and scares me.
However, lately I have been feeling angry; angry and hurt. I’ve posted a couple of times in the last couple of months about friendship, and I’m now, more than ever, feeling incredibly let down and hurt by someone that I thought was a friend.
I don’t think this person knows this. I don’t think that they are even aware that the friendship has ceased. They are very busy, with an awful lot on their plate, and I don’t think that they actually have any more space for another person.
The thing is, that I don’t mind if that’s the case, but the total inconsideration is something that I’m really struggling to get past.
On Sunday, it was my birthday. The person in question didn’t even realise that I wasn’t where I usually am on a Sunday morning. They didn’t wish me a happy birthday, and I haven’t heard anything from them except to ask for something that they wanted.
And you know what? That. Hurt. It really hurt. Over the last few days, I have found myself dwelling on this, and several other incidences, and I realised today that it’s eating me up inside, and that I really need to let it go.
I don’t have space in my life any more, for things, and people that cause me heartache. I don’t think I’m even angry any more. I’m just over it. I don’t know if I can fully forgive this person yet, but I am going to work on it, but in the meantime, I refuse to let them take up space in my thoughts and in my life. I’m just done.
I’m hoping that by blogging about these feelings, I will be able to release them a little, and that in doing so, it will make forgiveness just that little bit easier.
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Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.