Not Giving Up..

Not giving up..

And why it’s not the easy option…

by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Lately I’ve been in a real funk! It’s the kind of funk that I call ‘pure depression’, where I can’t even find a specific reason for it, I just wake up, feeling a bunch of yuckiness (yes, I know it’s a not a proper word… Microsoft Word told me with a red wavy line, but screw that line, I’m using it!).

The thing is, that when I wake up feeling like that, it is VERY hard to get myself motivated. It actually, genuinely feels exhausting and part of me really can’t be bothered to do anything other than curling into a ball and going back to sleep; a pseudo-hibernation, if you will… until the clouds clear and the sun peeps out once more.

However, doing this, I’ve found, is the single worst thing I can do for myself. I waste a large proportion of the day, doing nothing productive, and I find myself feeling even worse that I did before, because I’ve not done anything creative or productive, which just makes me into a failure.

I mean, I know that there are some times, when I need to listen to my body and my mind, but there are also other times, when I just simply need to give myself a good talking to, and then get up, and push through, and get on with things, because when it comes down to it, I know that all the while I am creating, I am not worthless.

So today, I will give myself that talking to, and I will get on with things, because in the end, I know that it’s good for me, even if it seems like the hardest option in the world sometimes.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Quiet…

Quiet

A Haiku… sort of…

by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Times of solitude,
Peaceful reflections on life,
Sitting by myself.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

And I Am Still

And I Am Still

A Poem Without Rhyme

by David Jorre on Unsplash

Darkness comes crashing in,
Surrounds me with echoes,
Wraps me in chains,
Chokes me with metal on metal,
And I am within,
Lost, trapped, and fragile,
The slightest move threatens to break,
And I am still.

Longing for someone to see,
I don’t dare to let them in,
Alone and broken,
Caught up in pain,
And I am within,
Ropes lash at my insides,
Sharpest whips leave invisible wounds,
And I say nothing.
And I am still.

Shadows envelop me,
I can see no light,
Nothing but black,
Eerie silence fills the air,
And I am within,
I long to be free,
To rent these chains,
And I am caught,
A battle never to win,
Despite whatever fight I put up,
And I give up.
And I say nothing.
And I am still.

Sharp claws scratch me,
The beast encroaches,
I close my eyes,
If I can’t see it then maybe it’s not real,
And I am within,
It comes closer still,
It’s breath on my face,
Hot and stale and stinking,
And I am trapped.
And I give up.
And I say nothing.
And I am still.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Tiredness and chronic illness

Tiredness and chronic illness

When late nights make waking up a chore

by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

Over the last week, I seem to have been crazy busy with appointments, and other plans. This always happens towards Christmas, when there is shopping to be done, or parties to be attended, and catch ups with various people you’ve not seen for ages.

The thing is, all this is well and good, and I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy it, because I do, but it means that certain things have to be sacrificed, and this weekend, I definitely paid the price for these sacrifices.

As an introvert, while I like spending time with people, it is also mandatory that I have some alone time, where I can just be me, and I don’t have to talk or keep up conversation with people. This time, gives me the opportunity to recharge, and prevents me from getting, what I call “peopled out.”

I have also found myself going to bed later than normal, and being unable to wind down, which means that I’ve not been getting to sleep before 1.30am, which is not good for me. It’s not that I need to go to bed at 10pm, or anything, but I’m not the kind of person who can lay in after a late night. A lie in for me, is generally 8.00am.

This week, I have also been battling a particularly bad flare up of my TMJD, and a severe dip in mood, not helped by the fact that when I do fall asleep, it is into a sleep plagued with nightmares.

This is the thing with chronic illness… it seems that the minute one thing flares up, the rest all follow, like they’re throwing their own little party, except that the venue is my body and the resulting mess is left for me to manage. This is not fun!

I’m feeling a tiny bit better today, and I’m hoping that it will continue to improve, but for now, it’s going to be earlier nights, and lots of self-care, because that’s all I can really do.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

A Dog’s Thought

A Dog’s Thought

A Haiku… kinda…

by Nikolay Tchaouchev on Unsplash

Bright eyes look to me,
Oh please can we go for a walk,
But wait! It’s wet out..
There…

How can you make me?
What sort of human are you?
To make me walk in…
The rain.

No, inside, I’ll stay,
Where it’s warm, and cosy dry,
Under the blanket,
I’ll be…

If you need me…


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Goals

Goals

And why I’m setting them this month…

by Peter Fogden on Unsplash

I think there’s something special about the start of a new month. The things of the previous one had passed away, and we get the chance to move forward. It’s like a new, clean slate. At least that’s how it feels to me.

The thing is, that it can be so easy to just end up settling into some abstract kind of status quo, but in reality, if we want change; I mean real change, then we have to fight against settling. We have to battle against our normal human urges to laziness and comfort zones, and we have to fight for a better way of living.

I’m as guilty as anyone of this. I start off with such big plans and good intentions, but all too quickly, they fall to dust as one day passes, and then another, until it seems pointless to even try. This is the thing though, this is what ‘it’, (whatever your ‘it’ is) wants you to believe. It doesn’t want you to step out of your status quo. It doesn’t want you to fight to be better. It doesn’t want me to.

This month, I am giving my ‘it’ the finger! This month, I will set goals, and I will do everything within my power to reach them. Yes, I can already hear the excuses; “But, it’s Christmas…” Well, guess what?! I don’t care! I refuse to settle to a life of browsing social media and casual gaming just because Christmas is happening this month.

Christmas is about so much more than food and presents and pretty lights anyway… Christmas is about God creating a way for us to be reconciled to Him. He set goals for this month, and He met them all, and more.

So this year; this December, I am going to set my goals, and I am going to stick by them. I am going to honour them, and I am going to live by them, and my ‘it’ can go take a hike off a cliff, carrying an anvil (ACME-style), because I am NOT going to settle!


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Penguins

Penguins

A Haiku… Kinda…

by Angela Hobbs on Unsplash

These comical birds,
Cannot fly, but walk on ground,
And swim in the sea.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.