Thinking Thoughts…

Thinking thoughts…

When your mind won’t shut up!

by Bekir Dönmez on Unsplash

I’m nursing a particularly bad TMJD flare up this afternoon. My teeth hurt. My face hurts. My head hurts. My ears hurt. My neck hurts. I’ve taken all the painkillers I’m allowed to without overdosing myself, and it’s making hardly any difference.

Added to that, my badly behaved brain keeps thinking about things; a never ending, spinning vortex of thoughts that seem to have no answer and no solution.

Thoughts about the future. Thoughts about this next week. Thoughts about all the things I need to do. Thoughts about writing. Thoughts about crafting. Thoughts about arting. So. Many. Thoughts.

None of them make sense in my pained state. The best I can hope for is an Alice inspired “as little nonsense as possible”. I love Alice in Wonderland for the craziness. Let’s face it, as crazy as your day is, you can always turn to Alice and know that your life is most definitely less crazy than hers. At least that’s what I do. I think if I didn’t, I’d possibly go completely mad.

This last week has held a lot of thoughtfulness and contemplation for me. Actually realising that I got through and survived this last year was actually a huge shock for me. It wasn’t expected. To be honest, there were more times than I can count where I thought that the grief would kill me.

Now, I’m looking to the future; at the beginning of my second year without her, and part of me is consumed with crippling guilt at the thought of moving on, and part of me knows that it’s the right thing to do. I can’t just press the pause button on my life forever more. I have to move on, no matter how hard that is to do.

Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.


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