On Endings

On Endings

And New Beginnings

by Jan Tinneberg on Unsplash

I’ve had my fair share of ‘endings’ this year. I’ve cried; I’ve mourned; I’ve curled up into a ball, hoping that if I make myself small enough, I might just disappear altogether.

This is what can happen when we’re faced with endings. They can be painful, challenging, and they can out and out SUCK!

That, coupled with depression, can create a perfect storm. I was stuck in that storm for some time. Some days, I still am, but now, I can start to see the sun’s rays peeking through the clouds.

The light at the end of the tunnel is no longer subject to government cutbacks, and has been switched back on, so when I feel like the darkness is surrounding me, I can see that somewhere, in the distance, if I just keep pushing forward, I’ll find the light.

The saying “When God closes a door, somewhere, He opens a window” is so true. Sometimes, all we see are doors getting slammed in our faces, but we don’t think to look for the windows that are being opened.

Today, I choose to look for those windows, and if I can’t find an open door, then I will damn well, scramble out of that window!


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Friends

Friends…

And when people stop becoming one..

by Dương Hữu on Unsplash

Over this last year, and having lost my sister (and one of my best friends), I’ve had to do a lot of thinking. It’s not always been pleasant, and often it’s been fuelled by the emotional rollercoaster that is grief, but it has helped me to realise a few things about friendship.

I’ve had a number of friends through the years, and I’ve had a number of “friends”, too. In the past, I was just grateful for any friend that I had, but now, I think I’m beginning to realise that often, these people weren’t true friends; they weren’t the sort of people that I could call in the middle of the night if there was an emergency.

They weren’t the sort of people that I could stay up all night, talking to about nothing very much, and still have something to say, and they weren’t the sorts of people that would make time for me when I needed it, even though I always did for them.

I’m not trying to sound judgemental, or make out that I was the perfect friend. I wasn’t. Far from it. The thing is, that a friendship is meant to be about people meeting each other half way. It is supposed to be a fifty-fifty, where sometimes one person needs a bit more, and sometimes, the other does, but the relationship should always equal 100%, and the proportions should be more or less equal.

I am incredibly lucky that I now have several people in my life that are these kinds of friends. I know that they’re there for me, and they know that I’m there for them. We know each other properly. We see beyond the facade that is put on for the outside world, and will always make time for each other.

There is an old Celtic term, “Anam Cara”. It is literally translated as “Soul Friend”. I am very blessed to have several of these in my life (if you’re reading this, you know who you are). It means a deep and true friendship where time and distance do not separate these people, and they know that no matter how long it’s been, or how far away they are, that there is an unbreakable link; a life line that will always be there, making sure that they never drift too far away from each other.

The thing is, I’ve also worked out lately, that some of the people I thought were friends, are really just acquaintances. They’re nice enough, and kind enough, but there’s not that depth of friendship there that I once thought there was, and you know what? I’m learning to be okay with that. I’m learning that there is room for the acquaintances in my life, and there is room for the Anam Cara’s in my life too, and I just need to have the wisdom to know the difference, and that’s okay.

There are many different types of friendships. I guess this is where Facebook muddies the waters, because a lot of people now believe that if they’re friends on Facebook, then they are friends in general, and that isn’t necessarily the case. Now, I’m the first one to admit, I have a number of friends on Facebook, but when I actually look at my list (the thing with which a lot of people nowadays, measure their popularity by), I find that there are actually probably a handful of people on there that I have a truly meaningful friendship with. Really, Facebook should call it a “Contacts list”.

The thing I suppose I’m trying to get at, is that in an age which is so dependent on social media, we need to really look at our friendships, and remember to nurture the ones that are true friendships, lest we lose them forever.

I am lucky, and privileged, and blessed to have my Anam Cara’s (you know who you are), and I want to thank you for being there for me, at my best and at my worst. I love you.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

NaNoWriMo

NaNoWriMo

To Cheat, Or Not To Cheat…

by Pelle Martin on Unsplash

I’ve been toying with the idea of doing nanowrimo again this year. I took a year off last year, for obvious reasons, but this year, I’ve been wondering whether or not to commit.

I’ve read the rules. I’ve looked at the logistics. I’ve explored possible ideas. But so far, I can’t commit myself to writing only a brand new novel, from scratch. I’ve been struggling with writing lately. My brain sort of freezes and won’t let me move on.

The thing is, I was talking to one of my best friends, who also knows the struggle of writing, and I have made the decision to work on multiple projects at the same time.

This, is obviously in stark contrast to the rules of nanowrimo. Well, you know what? This year, I don’t care! I usually stick rigidly to the rules, but it’s not actually getting me any further ahead, so this year, I will participate in nanowrimo, but instead of working on a single project, I will be working on several, and totalling the word counts.

At the end of the day, nanowrimo is there to get us writing, and if this is the only way that I can do it, then I guess you can call me a rule breaker!

How are you planning on spending your nanowrimo? Let’s get a conversation going. Are you a rule keeper, or a rule breaker?


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Cold

Cold

A Poem

“broken snow flakes on water” by Bryan Rodriguez on Unsplash

It’s getting colder now,
The wind blows chill,
Shivering in scarf and gloves,
While burnished leaves dance the path,
Or crumble under foot.
Nights grow longer,
Days are shorter,
Darkness comes quicker,
And cold makes it bitter.
It’s night once more,
The lights go on,
Slippers; PJ’s; and dressing gowns.
Under a blanket,
With hot chocolate in hand,
And outside the land,
Goes colder,
Still.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Cold

Cold

When Winter Beckons

by Alex on Unsplash

I’m not usually much of a hot drinks type of person, but just lately, I’ve found myself craving herbal teas. I think it’s partly down to the weather turning colder. Winter is most definitely on it’s way, and I am so not ready for it. I’m struggling with my Reynauds already, and all I seem to want to do is curl up under a blanket.

I know part of this is down to the depression. I’d be stupid, and in denial if I tried to say that it wasn’t, but it’s not all down to that. I think part of it is actually inbuilt. When nights get darker, and the cold winds blow, we find that we actually automatically turn towards more wintry things.

The thing is, although it makes me sad, as we mourn the passing of summer, I’m actually learning that it’s okay to embrace those things like blankets and hot drinks.

I guess, it’s the same as in life. We have times of spring and new life, and then, we have the times of winter; of death, and dying back, before new life can spring up again. There is a time and place for every season, and we must learn to embrace this.

This is something that I’m slowly beginning to learn.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

When you feel like you can’t go on..

When you feel like you can’t go on..

Just keep walking…

by Tegan Mierle on Unsplash

There are days..
Like these..
When thoughts overwhelm
And feelings are just too much.

There are days..
Like these…
When the sun shines too bright..
And birdsong’s too loud.

There are days..
Like these…
When it seems too hard
And the path is just that bit too steep.

There are days..
Like these…
When you have to push through
And you have to keep on.

There are days..
Like these…
When there’s no other choice
And you just have to keep walking

On.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Depression, grief, and finding the rainbow after the storm.

Depression, grief, and finding the rainbow after the storm.

When life gives you lemons..

by Thomas Quaritsch on Unsplash

The last couple of days have been harder than usual for me. I’ve been thinking a lot about this time last year, and about missing my sister. It’s strange the way life works sometimes. One minute, a person is in your life, and the next, they’re now, and there’s absolutely nothing that you can do about it.

I try to think about the good memories, but at the moment, the grief is clouding them, so all I feel when I think about her is that crippling sense of loss. I wish that I’d been able to save her. I wish that I’d been able to do something… anything.

Last year, watching her basically self destruct, with no effective way to actually help her, was torture. Watching someone you love go downhill so quickly, they’re like a snowball on one of those old animations; rolling down a hill, getting bigger and bigger until they’re the size of a huge boulder, which smashes at the bottom.

I miss her so much. She was always there. We spent so many hours talking, often about total nonsense, but it was nice to feel that she was there, and that she cared. I wish I could say that I was as good a friend to her as she was to me. I wish I could say that I helped, at least in some small way to make things better for her, but clearly, it wasn’t enough.

I truly hope she’s at peace now. I have to believe that, because if I don’t, then this pain will kill me. That is my rainbow; and if I don’t have that, then live is just darkness.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Leaves

Leaves

A Poem

by melissa mjoen on Unsplash

Leaves.
Fall.
Like snow.
Brightly coloured.
A brighter death hath none.
As Autumn brings her burnished glow;
And down and down the leaves will go.
To the ground; a woodland carpet.
Crisply crunching.
Underfoot.
Life; so fleeting.
Non-repeating.
All we are is visiting.
Nothing more than greeting.

Only to say goodbye…


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

When you slipped away..

When you slipped away

A Poem

by Zbynek Burival on Unsplash

It was Autumn that day;

when you slipped away.

Left me broken and torn,

and feeling so alone.

The tears that I cried;

they still haven’t dried,

and the pain that I feel,

is still just too real.

Sometimes I wonder;

sometimes I fear.

Will I ever be past it;

Will I ever not feel it,

The loss and the grief;

Will time bring in my relief?


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Professional Killer

Professional killer

When to do away with your characters..

“woman wearing gillie suit holding sniper rifle” by Piotr Wilk on Unsplash

There are times in your life as a writer, when you have to make some tough decisions. I hate those times. I’m bad enough at finishing pieces, because I get too attached to my characters and don’t want to step out of the story, but these times come to us all.

Of course, I’m talking about when you have to make the decision to kill off one of your characters. Now, I’m not really talking about those nice, peaceful deaths, where the character has lived a long life, and then just falls asleep. I’m talking about one of those horrible types of deaths, where your character has barely lived, both literally, and in the context of the story.

Lately, I have had to ponder this exact thing. There is a character in my novel, who I haven’t actually written in at all yet, but I have a strong suspicion that somewhere in the story, this character is going to have to make the ultimate sacrifice.

I don’t want him to. I like him a lot, and he is one of the truly good characters, and a very important mentor, but already, I’m getting the feeling that he will ultimately become one of the casualties of the QuickSilver.

I hate that fact. I’d like to keep him alive throughout the entire story, but I know that in order to move the story forward, this isn’t going to be possible.

So, if you’re like me, and you’re dreading this part of your story, all I can say is, I feel you. I know exactly what you’re going through. Just stick with it.

If, on the other hand, you take unbridled glee at the thought of killing off your characters, I can direct you to the twitter feed of one of my best friends, who I can assure you is completely sadistic when it comes to her characters. In fact, I have suggested that she take to prefacing her stories with a public apology to her characters.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.