The Curse Of The Introvert
When being social is exhausting
When people look at me, they don’t necessarily see an introvert. The bright clothes, coloured hair and numerous tattoos give people the impression of a social butterfly whose confidence is revealed through personal style.
This is not the case. The people that know me well, know that all of these things are a mask. I mean, yes, they’re my style, and I love my style, but they also give me a mask; something to hide how socially inept I really am.
Today, I attended the funeral of a lovely lady from my Church. The service was beautiful and a truly fitting send off, but it also served as a reminder to me of the fact that I am most definitely an introvert.
It sounds shallow, but the struggle I had to find appropriate clothing was intense. It was a traditional funeral, and wearing black was expected. Now, while I have attended funerals before, it has usually been in the winter time, or at least in cooler temperatures than we currently have.
You see, I don’t really own black clothing that is also suitable for summer wear. The scene this morning was of me raiding my mother’s wardrobe, in the hope of finding something that would not result in me melting.
The point I’m trying to get to here, is that, today, I was stripped of my mask, and I felt totally and completely exposed for the social outcast that I am. I’m not saying this to get sympathy, I am merely stating a fact. I don’t deal well with large crowds of people. I am far more comfortable in a one to one, or small group setting.
Sometimes I wonder what people think of me, because I generally prefer to listen to others than to hold the stage. I often imagine that people will think of me as this weird person who hovers, listening, but never speaking.
I’ve been like this for most of my life. I can’t change it, and it’s something that I have grown to accept. It’s just how life is, and I’m okay with that.
So, there I was today, wearing all black, with minimal jewellery, and no bright colours, and as the day went on, I found myself struggling to hold up a conversation. Standing in large crowds, my brain just wanted me to walk away and hide somewhere for a few moments, where I could just be by myself and breathe.
This is the curse of the introvert. This is the curse of the loner. This is the curse of the socially inept. And this is what I, and many people I know, deal with every day.
Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.