The sun is out, and it’s beautiful and warm. Summer remains here, and yet, in some small corners of the world, you find them lingering; faces, which would give Grumpy Cat a run for her money. I have the terrible misfortune of living next to one of these such beings.

If you’re looking for a real life troll (and not the nice, cute kind with brightly coloured hair), then come check out my next door neighbour. Portly, tall, and usually to be found wearing a dirty blue t-shirt, and a permanent frown, he stomps the perimeter of his property, growling at his canine companion who longs for a kind word and a smile.

Barking orders at her, he demands that she “get in”, though she has barely seen the outside of her enclosed yard, and woe betide anyone who tried to speak to her! They are met with sharp words, and miserable moans.

Nothing is ever good enough for this grumbling, grunting creature, and his paranoia has recently reached new heights, as his ten foot high, solid double gates, complete with heavy duty padlock proves. Many wonder what he hides behind them; some suspecting a treasure that he guards jealously, while others ponder the idea that mummified corpses of his previous neighbours now populate the shed erected only a short while ago.

He has a wife. A quiet, gentle creature who hangs off his every word, though these are rarely nice, and never kind. She is useful for feeding the great brute, and for maintaining his ‘Kingdom”, though he will never tell her this (to do so might give her ideas of grandeur). She simpers after him; desperate to please, even though this is never possible.

The house he guards so fiercely has been drilled and hammered and torn apart more times than I can remember when he goes on another maintenance rampage.

No overtures of friendship, or even neighbourly decency are extended as he stalks, forever frowning through his land.

A few days ago, a sign went up:

“For Sale” it reads, and now we wait.

Perhaps a prince shall come soon,

to rid the land of this dreaded dirge;

to save us all from the wrath,

of the troll who lives next door.