The Curse Of The Introvert

The Curse Of The Introvert

When being social is exhausting

Photo by Alexandru Zdrobău on Unsplash

When people look at me, they don’t necessarily see an introvert. The bright clothes, coloured hair and numerous tattoos give people the impression of a social butterfly whose confidence is revealed through personal style.

This is not the case. The people that know me well, know that all of these things are a mask. I mean, yes, they’re my style, and I love my style, but they also give me a mask; something to hide how socially inept I really am.

Today, I attended the funeral of a lovely lady from my Church. The service was beautiful and a truly fitting send off, but it also served as a reminder to me of the fact that I am most definitely an introvert.

It sounds shallow, but the struggle I had to find appropriate clothing was intense. It was a traditional funeral, and wearing black was expected. Now, while I have attended funerals before, it has usually been in the winter time, or at least in cooler temperatures than we currently have.

You see, I don’t really own black clothing that is also suitable for summer wear. The scene this morning was of me raiding my mother’s wardrobe, in the hope of finding something that would not result in me melting.

The point I’m trying to get to here, is that, today, I was stripped of my mask, and I felt totally and completely exposed for the social outcast that I am. I’m not saying this to get sympathy, I am merely stating a fact. I don’t deal well with large crowds of people. I am far more comfortable in a one to one, or small group setting.

Sometimes I wonder what people think of me, because I generally prefer to listen to others than to hold the stage. I often imagine that people will think of me as this weird person who hovers, listening, but never speaking.

I’ve been like this for most of my life. I can’t change it, and it’s something that I have grown to accept. It’s just how life is, and I’m okay with that.

So, there I was today, wearing all black, with minimal jewellery, and no bright colours, and as the day went on, I found myself struggling to hold up a conversation. Standing in large crowds, my brain just wanted me to walk away and hide somewhere for a few moments, where I could just be by myself and breathe.

This is the curse of the introvert. This is the curse of the loner. This is the curse of the socially inept. And this is what I, and many people I know, deal with every day.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Fit not Fat

Fit not Fat

When losing weight is only part of the equation.

by Sawyer Bengtson on Unsplash

I think weight and body image is something that most people struggle with in their lives unless you’re one of those lucky b!tches that were just born skinny (I am not one of those people).

I have spent most of my life overweight. I have tried the fad diets and started to exercise more times than I care to remember, only to give up when the muscle aches start.

Each time, I promise myself that things will be different and that I will lose the weight, but the truth is that I was going about it all the wrong way. I read a blog post recently, and it was written that if you exercise and diet simply to lose weight, then you are almost certainly destined to fail.

This blogger then talked about how they began to exercise because they wanted to do something nice for their body. They talked of exercise as a way of pampering themselves; of building up their body.

I was talking to one of my best friends about exercise last week, and they were saying that they usually exercise every morning, and they find that when they don’t, they end up feeling worse because of it; almost as if their body is protesting the lack of care that not exercising causes.

This has completely changed my thinking. Instead of fighting fat, I need to be focusing on getting fit. Today, I started a new exercise routine that I made up myself. I am combining a mixture of strength, cardio and yoga stretches.

I am no expert. I have no idea if this will work or not. I just know that I have to try this, because I want to be fit. I want to be healthy and I want to be strong. I already have back problems from an inherited condition, which I have been told will only get worse, so I need to do all I can to slow that down. I also have high blood pressure, and have been advised to increase my cardio as that can help to bring blood pressure down.

This morning, I began the process of strengthening my grip so that I can do chin ups, I jogged for ten minutes, I walked brusquely for ten minutes, I did some crunches using a yoga trapeze, and then did some inversion stretching.

It might not sound like much to someone who exercises regularly, but this was a big thing to me, and while, yes, losing weight would be wonderful.. (who doesn’t want to be thinner, right?!) I am doing this because this body is the only one I have and I need to take care of it.

I guess what I’m saying is that my body is a temple and I plan to do all I can to treat it as such, in order to improve my overall fitness. So, the exercises I outlined above are what I plan to do for the next month. Every day (except Sundays, although I may still do some stretches that day).

This is not me trying to get praise or approval. This is me making a decisive decision and holding myself accountable in a public arena. I may fail. I may fall down (possibly literally), but I plan to try my hardest to “EEDIA” (Exercise Every Day In August).


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Freak!

Freak!

When you just don’t fit in.

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

I’ve always been different; for as long as I can remember. I was always the quiet one; the one who didn’t fit in; who would rather lose myself in the pages of a book than go out and sit in the local bus stop until it got too dark.

Sometimes I think it would have been easier if I had just done that, but I couldn’t understand the appeal. Sitting there, watching someone scrawl yet another tag on the rotting wooden bench held no interest for me.

As I got older, I spent more and more time on my own, lost in the world of my stories; both ones I read, and ones I made up myself. I guess you could say that I was born a writer.

When I was in my late teens, my friends all wanted to go out drinking. I didn’t. I was the one who stayed at home, reading, and working on my own stories. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have gone out, but the problem was that ‘going out’ was actually defined as ‘getting drunk’ when it came down to it, and that’s not something that I wanted to do. Yet again, I found that I didn’t fit in.

Most of the time, I don’t mind it. I’m a freak. I know I am, and I’ve actually learned to be okay with that, but sometimes something happens that reminds me that I just don’t fit in and probably never really will.

I won’t bore you with the details, but have you ever been in a room full of people, and it’s like you’re both invisible and alone all in one go; like there’s a plate glass screen between you and the rest of the world.

It doesn’t happen all the time, but every now and then, it’s like life wants to send me a reminder that “Hey, just remember… you don’t really belong here, or anywhere, come to think of it”.

That happened today, and the reminder was a painful truth that I have to remember, because no matter what I do, I won’t ever truly fit in, and when it comes down to it, I now know that I just have to accept that and learn to live with it.

Lately that feeling has been less. I have some really good friends, who know me inside and out and are always there for me. I have also discovered the Ninja Writer’s group, which is filled with people who love to read and write.

These are my people. These people understand me. They get what it’s like to have stories bubbling around inside of you filling you up until you feel like you’re going to explode and you just have to write them out.

You see, I have come to understand that my writing is as much a part of me as breathing is. Words flow through my veins as blood (yes I know it sounds crazy, but ask any writer and they’ll tell you the same).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes you have to accept that you just don’t really fit in anywhere, and that that is okay. There is a place in the world for the socialites, and there is a place in the world for the partiers, and there is a place in the world for people like me; for the outcasts and the loners, and every now and then, I find myself lucky enough to find my people, and the only feeling better than that, is when I’m writing.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

My 50000 Word July: An Update

My 50000 Word July

An Update

“An open notebook on a wooden surface in front of a laptop” by Nick Morrison on Unsplash

At the start of this month, I challenged myself to write 50000 words in July. As the weeks went on, life got in the way. The perfect storm of grief, depression and anxiety (among other things) combined to knock me completely off track.

Once that happened, I started feeling as if I was running around like a cat chasing it’s tail. I had a big setback, in that, I was now on the proverbial back foot, with no idea of how to catch up (seeing as writing for 24 hours a day is not actually possible).

I found myself making excuses not to write and coming up with one technique after another to avoid putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). Yesterday I came to the unfortunate conclusion as I, once again, made excuses not to write, that this goal was now actually unattainable.

I spoke to a fellow writer friend and decided not to give up on my goal entirely, but to change it. Although I will not end up writing 50000 words this month, I have still written over 38000 words, which I am proud of. I am proud of myself for pushing through those times when it would have been so much easier to give up, and I am proud of myself for acknowledging that my original goal was not reachable, bearing in mind my circumstances.

So, what do I do now? I reassess. 50000 words this month is just not possible, but perhaps I could re title the project, “My 100,000 Word Summer”

Yes, I know, if I couldn’t do 50000 in 31 days, how do I expect to not only hit that, but with some extra on top in a bit over a month of time? Why am I setting what some might consider another unattainable goal?

The truth is that this goal is attainable, and I can do it, as long as I focus.

I have now finished the best part of plotting my next novel (the first book in a YA fantasy series), and so, I am ready to get writing. I am so excited to dive into the world of this story, which has been bouncing around inside my head for a little over two years. I hope that I have gained my character’s trust and that they will spend the next few months opening up to me even more.

On top of this, I have started writing both ‘Morning Pages’ and ‘Evening Pages’, which are basically a mixture of free writing and journalling. Basically, following Shaunta Grimes’ ten minute rule, I open up a blank document and type for ten minutes, minimum. Some days I do more, but I always make sure that I hit ten minutes.

I type every word and random thought combination that comes into my head, even if it would make absolutely no sense to anyone else. I know. It sounds crazy. It sounds like a complete waste of time, but since I’ve been doing it, I have found that the process of doing this has actually helped me to ‘empty’ my mind of all the stupid thoughts that get in the way of my writing. These words will be counted in my 100000 word summer project, because without them, my novel would not get any air time at all because my brain would be too full.

I am also determined to write at least one post on here each day (I’d like to build up to two posts a day, but… baby steps). As I said in an earlier post, I’ve started many blogs, but never stuck at it before, largely because it meant my committing to one specific topic, and that just simply doesn’t work for me. This platform, however, has given me the freedom to be able to write on any innumerable number of topics. So, the words I write on here will be counted, too.

I guess the purpose of writing this post is accountability, but also the chance to accept that although I haven’t succeeded in my monthly goal, I have paved the way to reach an entirely new goal.

I’ll be updating on a weekly basis, posting about my successes and my failures (of which I am sure there will be many, but I’m okay with that). Truth is, life very rarely runs smoothly and it really boils down to how you respond to the rough parts.

In the past, I have fallen- fallen hard. I have cried, screamed, stamped my feet, but at the end of it all, I have had to pick myself up and keep going, because what other alternative is there?

If you’re reading this, and you want to join me, drop a note in the comments, and we’ll do this together. In the next 57 days, we can write our 100000 words, and who knows, maybe some of them will even be readable. 🙂


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

On Birthdays & Grief

On Birthdays & Grief

Feeling sad when you should be happy…

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Yesterday and today have been my Dad’s and Mum’s Birthdays, respectively. This is their first birthdays since my sister died. It’s felt so strange without her here, and the emptiness of missing her seems to be almost amplified by the fact that this is a ‘happy’ occasion.

I’ve tried to make it as special as I can for them, and I think they’ve enjoyed it, but all the while, there’s this sad undercurrent of loss; of what should be, and as much as I try to hide it, I miss her more than ever.

This time last year, she was already going massively downhill, health wise, but she was here. She was here to see presents opened, and to sing “Happy Birthday!” and to have a slice of cake.

This year, there was one voice fewer, to sing “Happy Birthday!” and we made a smaller cake, seeing as there was one less piece needed than last year.

I hate feeling like this. I feel so angry with myself for not being strong enough to just keep it all under control, and yet, this thing… this grief, is like nothing I’ve ever felt before, and every day, it feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest.

Every morning, when I wake up, for just a few moments before I fully reach consciousness, I forget. I roll over in bed, to get up and let the dogs out of her room, but as I move, I am pounced on by an exciter Cocker Spaniel, which brings me right back down to earth and I remember that she’s gone.

Some days are easier than others, and I thank God from the bottom of my heart, for the friends that have been there for me; who have hugged me; listened to me ugly cry; talked to me; made me laugh. Without them, it scares me to think where I would be now. If they’re reading this, they’ll know who they are. Thank you. I can’t say any more, and yet it seems so inadequate to just say this, but it’s all I have. You make it possible for me to face the days without her.

So, today, I will smile, and I will sing “Happy Birthday!” and I will try and give my Mum the best possible Birthday I can, because in the end, that’s all I can do, and I just have to hope that it’s good enough.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Blogging

Blogging

(Is it okay to blog about blogging? Is it just one step away from blogging about blogging about blogging?…. but I digress)

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

I’ve wanted to keep a blog for a number of years. In fact, probably more than I care to count. I’ve started lots of times, but they’ve barely lasted past a month. The truth is, up until recently, I have struggled decidedly to define what kind of blog I wanted to write.

Everyone who knows me, knows that I’m an eclectic. I have lots of interests and hobbies and I love learning, so I’m always looking to learn more. Most of the blogs that I looked at had one thing in common, they were all on a specific subject, and while I tried to pick a topic; (I really did!) they just didn’t fit with me, and so, blog by blog, they were discarded to the slush pile (a quasi virtual grave of blogs, doomed to never make it past the first few posts).

It seemed that I would never be able to write a blog. That is, until I started a course on blogging, run by Shaunta Grimes. This course opened my eyes to a new blogging platform, which most of you are probably already familiar with: Medium.

So, intrigued, I checked out the site, and found blogs on all different topics, and the best thing was, that a lot of these topics, were written by the same people. It was eye opening; finally a way that I could blog about the things that were important to me; the things that interest me. Medium gave me the freedom to write about whatever my mood sent me on any given day.

Since finding this platform, I have been writing almost every day. I’ve had a few blips, when grief and anxiety and depression have gotten in the way, but mostly, the pull to write (the “call to action”, if you will) has been stronger than it has been in years and this makes my heart sing.

The beauty with Medium is that instead of ‘posts’, you write ‘stories’. Something about this turn of phrase really inspires and empowers me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve always been a writer deep down. Stories have been such a huge part of my life since before I was able to even read by myself, and although I’m not actually picking a subject to focus on here, I finally feel like I’ve found my place in the blogging world and I’m excited to see where it goes.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Snooze..

Snooze..

When tiredness steals your muse…

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

I’ve had a very busy few days lately, and I must admit, I’m struggling with tiredness and exhaustion now. I feel so worn out, it’s like my brain is filled with cotton wool and I know that the moment I lay down in bed, I’ll probably not even finish one page of my grotesquely magnified (thank you Nanny who blessed me with extreme short sightedness) kindle book.

As a result of this tiredness, writing has been hard to do. I’ve been going through some things, and the mythical being that is my muse, seems to have abandoned me for pastures less exhausted.

It is hard to write, or create anything, when your eyes want to close all the time and you just want to curl up in a ball and make like sleeping beauty (except with out the beauty).

The thing is, that for me, and I know this sounds dramatic, but writing is everything to me. Creating is everything to me. It is breath. It is life. When I’m not creating, my mind gets full; so full that I feel it might explode any moment. The only way for me to empty it a little, is to create.

Yesterday, I wrote about journalling. My journey with journalling is an ongoing learning curve. I am learning every day, and sometimes, when I can do nothing else, I find refuge within the pages of my journal.

There was a point to this post, somewhere in my sleep deprived brain, but it seems to have gone amiss. So, I’ll leave you with this…

No matter what is going on, a journal will always be there for you. You can tell your journal anything… anything at all, and it won’t judge. It won’t laugh at you, however stupid what you write might be, and it won’t turn its back and abandon you.

The thing is, in truth, a journal is far, far better than a muse. You see, it is just as reliant on you as you are on it, whereas a muse thrives on your reliance on it alone.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say (and please forgive my sleep deprived ramblings here,) is that whatever your day seems like now; whether you’re tired, depressed, happy, sad, jealous, in love, just start writing. You’ll find you actually have more to say than you realise.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Journalling

Journalling

The benefits of journalling and why you should do it.

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

I have always wanted to be a writer. From as far back as I can remember, it is what I envisioned for myself. I love reading. I always have done, and to me, writers are a rare breed of magician, who are able to transport people into other times, and spaces and worlds.

I spent most of my childhood immersed in the other worlds of the books I read. I wasn’t just reading. I was right there, with the characters, and I can remember thinking that I wanted to learn to make this kind of magic too.

It was no secret that this was my chosen career, and a wise man, once gave me some very good advice. I was about twelve at the time, and he told me that if I wanted to be a writer, then I would need to keep a diary.

That very week, Mum took me out to WHSmiths, and I bought my very first mid year diary. It was a “Day to a page”, A6 sized book, with a brightly coloured cover. I remember sitting down with it, and a pen, and filling out all of the details at the front: name, address, etc. And then it was time. I turned to the first page, and wrote about my day, and about the hopes that I had for this diary.

I have kept a diary (in some form or another) ever since, and I can honestly say that I never regret the time that I spend writing in it. The act of writing, allows me to clear out my thoughts from my head. It frees my mind from unwanted baggage, and allows me to think and in some cases, to relax, too.

I often find that if I can’t sleep (and not in an insomnia kind of way), that if I just sit and spend ten minutes (yes, sometimes that really is all the time it takes) writing my thoughts down; every last little thing that comes into my head, I find that I can then lay down and properly relax.

My journal has developed over the years, and now incorporates personal thoughts, artwork, writing, ideas, free writing, and faith based journalling. The truth is that a journal can be whatever you want it to be. There are no set, hard and fast rules. If you just want to keep it as a thought record, then you can do that, if you just want a place to store daily sketches, then this is also okay. You can make it work for you.

I have found that I like to keep a mixture of things in my personal journal. Sometimes I use colour coding or bookmarks so that I know where to find certain things. I have tried different notebooks and writing materials, and I’ve finally found the right combination (for now; I know that things can always change). I am currently using a “Wanderings” large leather bound, refillable book. It is a little smaller than A4, but still plenty big enough for what I need.

I am about a sixth of the way through it currently. Inside the pages, (if I were going to show you), you would find personal thoughts on grief, and my way of dealing with that. You would see ideas for my current writing project, and for craft projects that I want to make, and you would find sermon notes and Bible passages, too, along with conversations (monologues, if you will) of me, talking to God. That’s the beauty of journalling. You make it what you want it to be. You make the rules.

So, if there’s one thing that you take from reading this post, let it be that if you’re not keeping a journal (and this is especially true if you want to be a writer, though I recommend journalling to anyone and everyone), then you should be. Trust me, it really does make a huge difference.

So find that notebook, and start writing. It may take a little trial and error, but in time you will find what works for you, and you will see what I mean if you truly embrace the freeing power of journalling.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Racism and Offence

Racism and Offence

Does banning certain books and even words really solve the problem of racism?

Photo by Giammarco Boscaro on Unsplash

I was watching the eighth episode of Season 2 of Anne With An ‘E’ tonight, and it got me thinking. Before I write any more, I will say “Spoiler Alert”.. You know, just in case…

In this episode, ‘Bash’, a black man, and friend of Gilbert, and Anne (and the Cuthbert’s) has a tooth ache. He attempts a self extraction, but there are complications, which require him to seek medical help. He goes to the chemist, but is refused any help, and it is suggested that he go to the ‘bog’, where the other ‘coloureds’ are.

Bash is accompanied by Gilbert on the train to a doctor. During his attempt to get on the train, he is refused admittance, and it is suggested that there might be space for him in the luggage cabin (even though he paid for both tickets), and it is only when Marilla, speaks up, saying that she has saved seats for them.

These scenes left me feeling as if I had been kicked in the gut. It is beyond me to treat any human being in that way, simply based on the colour of their skin. In fact, it is beyond me to treat anyone in this way, based on anything other than their actions — things that they can control.

However, it got me thinking. Lately, there is so much talk about race and discrimination, and so much of it, seems to me, if I’m being blunt, to be political correctness gone mad.

As an example, the children’s books by Enid Blyton, “The Magic Faraway Tree” series was released on Kindle. As someone who read these books many, many times as a child, I bought it, looking forward to a little light reading, and reliving my childhood before bed. However, this is not something that I got to experience.

To my horror (yes, horror. I know it’s a strong word, but it is appropriate here), the names of the characters have been changed, and all references to “gollywogs”, and other such things have been removed (I also consider this sacrilege, but that’s a topic for another post entirely). Effectively, the book has been ‘whitewashed’ with PC creosote.

I’m not saying that I agree with the use of the word ‘gollywog’, or any such other term, to refer to people of colour. As far as I am concerned, the only appropriate way to refer to any person is with their name, or as ‘a man’, or ‘a woman’. I take people as I find them, and on an individual basis, but to deny the use of these words, historically, is to allow us to forget our history. This is something that must never be allowed.

If we forget our history, however checkered, then we run the risk of falling into the same traps once more. If we deny that these things happened, as they are ‘offensive’, then we risk them happening again, and causing far more damage than a little offence to a select few.

This is also true of certain banned books, such as “To Kill A Mockingbird”. This text is one that I studied for my GCSE in English literature. It is a brilliant book, and a wonderful (albeit, difficult to read) piece of literature. Only recently, this novel has been removed from school syllabuses, as it is deemed “racist”. I guess that’s kind of true. It is racist, but it is not written in modern day, when we have the awarenesses that we now have. It was published in 1960, and was based around events in Harper Lee’s own home town.

The events in the book were not things that were thought up by the author to increase sales. These things really happened. This is what people in the early twentieth century had to deal with, and to erradicate all knowledge of these events is not only callous, but extremely disrespectful to the people who actually endured this persecution.

The truth is that the one, surefire way to ensure that racism will happen again, is to whitewash a past, that is splattered with prejudice and inequality and injustice. We always tell children to learn from their mistakes, and yet, here we are, encouraging them to forget our own, and those of our ancestors, effectively preventing them from doing this!

I find it horrifying that human beings were ever treated like that, but I refuse to forget, or ignore that. I refuse to allow my own need for comfort to prevent me from learning the lessons that the past has to teach us.

Racism always has, and always will exist, until we are willing to acknowledge it and learn from it, rather than trying to sweep it under the rug, or put some flowered garlands on it, so that it looks just that little bit more acceptable.

These things are not comfortable. They are not meant to be comfortable. I dread the day that we ever become comfortable with them, because that day will be a very dark day for the world.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that we need to educate, and not sugarcoat. Racism happened, and it’s happening now. Ignoring, and hiding the past will not change anything. The only way for change is for us to accept that these things are a part of our history and that we must learn from them in order to move forward.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.

Best Laid Plans

Best Laid Plans

Sometimes go to waste, and sometimes, they just spur you on.

“An open calendar with short notes scribbled next to the dates” by Eric Rothermel on Unsplash

Sometimes, we make plans. Sometimes they’re small ones that it doesn’t matter if they’re broken, but sometimes, they’re big things. Hopes and goals, which are desperately important.

The thing is, we can’t always control what is going to happen when we make plans and then life gets in the way. Life has a funny way of throwing things at you, just when you’ve taken on a big project or goal, and tries to knock you completely off course.

This is what’s happened to me this month. I decided that I was going to write 50000 words during July. I had other plans, too, but life, being the charming, delectable soul that it is, decided to pick this month to throw nine months worth of grief on top of me, and then rip off the training wheels.

So, for the last few weeks, I seem to have been on an emotional rollercoaster; trying to paddle as hard as I can, just to stay afloat, and keep my head above water, when every part of my being is willing me to just give up and slip beneath the sea of tears.

The truth, though (or so I’ve been told), is that this is completely and utterly normal. It sucks! It really sucks! But apparently, it is normal, and I will be okay. It’s just another hurdle in the game of life that I have to jump through.

So, for now, I will keep on, keeping on. I will get up each morning and write and create, and fill my life with positives, in the hopes that they will drown out the noise caused by the pain.

If you’re reading this, and you’re in the middle of your own sea of tears, just try and remember the quote I shared a few days ago. That sea of tears could well be precipitating a truly beautiful rainbow, and you need only push through, (and in the words of Dory, “Keep on swimming!”) to see it.


Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.