Skinny Lattes & Loneliness
You sit there up on the desk and look down at everyone else. You think you’re so much better than them. You have your designer clothes, your career, your skinny figure. You watch them all scurrying around like worker ants, while you sip your skinny latte. You paste on your self-satisfied smile, and you pretend. You pretend that this is how you like things. That you’re not so terribly lonely. You spy someone talking on the floor, and shout out for them to get back to work. You shake your head. You won’t abide talking or socialising on your time. You hate it. It fills you with a rage unlike any other; that they should have friends, when you have none.
They just think you’re a bitch. You never let them see the truth. The fact that you’ve never had any friends. You’ve always been alone. Even as a young child. You played alone, ate alone, drank alone. Your parents were high fliers, always jetting off here and there, dumping you with childcare. Yes, you ache with loneliness. You wrap your hands around the paper cup, silently begging the warmth to engulf you, but the latte’s lost its’ steaming hot freshness, and when you take a sip, it just leaves a slightly cold, and bitter taste in your mouth.
You put the cup down on the nearest table , tutting in disgust.
“Marcy” you shout,
“Go and get me another latte” you say when Marcy comes quietly, scurrying up to you.
“Well, go on then” you bark at her, clicking your tongue in annoyance.
Marcy has lots of friends, and is always out having fun. You like to order her about and make her feel nervous and scared. You sneer at her bumbling personality and savour every minute when she makes a fool of herself. In some twisted way, you feel that if she’s making a fool of herself, it makes you not quite so alone.
They often invite you out, but you get nervous. You’re not used to it, and you’re not sure how to act. So you turn back to what you know the best, when you look at them with scorn and tell them that you have far more important things to do. Then you go home to your tiny one bedroomed apartment and sip yet another skinny latte, while you watch romantic movies all on your own.
Li Carter is a writer, artist and crafter. She lives in South Wales, UK, with her family, and five rescue dogs. She’s on Twitter @rbcreativeli , Facebook: Rainbow Butterfly Creative, and Instagram @rainbowbutterflycreative and is the author of My Only True Friend: The Beginning. She is currently working on a new series titled The QuickSilver Chronicles. She is the original Rainbow Butterfly, and wants to fill an ever darkening world with a little bit of beauty and creativity.