Writing is a way of life

For a long time, I haven’t been in a place where I was truly able to devote my time to my writing. It became something that I tried to squeeze into a few snatched moments, in between ‘my real life’. I lost something of the joy of getting lost in the story. I lost a part of myself.

Now, I am just beginning to find that part again. You see, until October, I was a full time carer, for my sister and my best friend. She had a lot of health issues and needed a lot of my time. I don’t begrudge her that time, and if I could have her back, I would give up that time again in a heartbeat, but on the seventh of October, I woke up to find that she had passed away. Her body just wasn’t strong enough to carry on, and she fell asleep and just didn’t wake up again. As much as it hurts, that she’s gone, I am glad about something. I am glad that she went in her sleep, with her dogs and family around her, in surroundings that she knew and loved, rather than being scared and in pain, in a hospital bed.

Some people might wonder about what I am about to say, and that’s fine, but in all of this, I thank God that He took her, in the way that He did. Of course I miss her, and wish that she was still here, but if He had to take her, I’m so thankful that He let her stay at home, and that He took her in her sleep, so that she wasn’t sad, or scared.

I haven’t cried even half of the tears that I have within me for her, but I know that I will in time. I miss her so much. I will miss her everyday, for the rest of my life, but I know that she wouldn’t want me to give up on my life, and for me, writing IS life, so this is me starting to find it again, and starting to claim it back, for those moments when I need to escape; those moments when I need to laugh; those moments when it hurts so much that I don’t even know what to think or feel. Those moments, in particular, are when I need to write; and sometimes it’s hard to even start, but if I’ve learnt anything in these last six months, it is that I have to start, because it’s better to start and fail, than to not do anything at all.

I know this has been a bit of a rambling post, but I make no apologies for that. For the first time in a long time, I am writing freely, and I am going to embrace that and let any words that want to, spill from my fingertips onto this page. This post is more for me than anyone else, as I learn that it is okay for me to write for me for a while and that I can do this. I hope that I haven’t bored anyone too much. My next post will be a little more… upbeat.. maybe 🙂