I’m not going to give this post a title, because I’m not really sure what I’m going to write about. Yesterday, I felt very out of sorts for most of the day. I struggled to get much done and it felt like a hard slog that I had to just keep pushing through.
Today has felt so totally different. I’ve gotten everything in my seemingly unending daily list (thank you OCD) done, and although I’m tired, I feel so much better emotionally. I know that the warmer weather always helps me, but it feels like more than that. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s like I’m using a different energy. I feel like I have a different energy and I’m starting to realise a few things, which I’m not ready to talk about yet, to anyone. I’m not saying this to tease. I just need to put it out there; a kind of reminder, if you will, to myself, so that I don’t just push them back down into the fog of repressed memories.
My life has changed so exponentially in the last seven months. It’s somehow hard to believe it’s real. I’m missing my sister a lot right now… well, I miss her every day, but it seems particularly strong at the moment. I keep telling myself that she wouldn’t want me to be sad, and that she wouldn’t want me to put my life on hold, so I’m trying to keep going and to get on with my life. I keep getting up, day after day, even when the grief if so strong, it feels like it’s going to choke me. I know that this is what she would have wanted; for me to move on and live my life, and now, I know that this is what I have to do. I have to do it for her.
My writing is going really well. Better than it has for a long time. My story is developing almost by itself, and the world seems to be growing by the hour, and now seems to include a slightly sarcastic, talking cat. I’m hoping that this will add a decent amount of humour, because although there are darker parts to the story, it isn’t, in essence, a dark story. It is a fantasy adventure, and as such, I don’t want it to go too dark; merely dark enough.
I know this post has been a little rambly, and I’m sorry if I’ve bored anyone. If it brings you any comfort, it’s actually helped to sort out a few things inside my head.