Sharpie’s Girl

You don’t love me any more. Why don’t you love me anymore? You used to come to me all the time, and I used to make it better for you. I knew exactly how you liked it. I still do, but you don’t come to me any more. It’s not my fault my body’s old and worn. You’ve used it enough! I still know what you need, but now you’re turning to HIM more and more- young Sharpie- he doesn’t know like I do. He has to go much slower, and that means when you do turn to me, I am angry, and you’re angry and between us, well… you can see exactly what happens….

Well, come on then, it’s do or die. You want more? Think about it. You’re just a selfish bitch! You know it’s what they all think. A loser; A freak! You don’t deserve happiness, so why stop now. Just one more, go on, you can do it! I believe in you — old Steel believes in you. Together we can do it. Together we can make art. You know we can, we’ve done it so many times before. Go on, just one more…

There, feel better, don’t you. I told you you would. Steel knows how to make it better. Always knows what’s right. Knows much more than you do. Now come on, get yourself clean before SHE gets home. You don’t want HER knowing our secret, do you?

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t been born. It would have been so much easier. No hiding. No secrets. No pain. I wouldn’t be a disappointment then. If only I could cry. If only I could tell her. But I can’t, she’d never understand. She’d blame me. Then she’d wish I’d never been born too. I can hear him still. Whispering, taunting. I get so angry sometimes. I wish he’d leave me alone, but when he does, I go back to him. My friend. My Steel. Sharpie’s ok when things aren’t too bad, but he can never have what me and Steel have. That’s special. Sometimes, late at night, I go to him, just to hold him, and he comforts me. We don’t always have to do something, sometimes just holding him is enough. We sit in the window seat and watch the moon. Once, we sat there for four hours, until three o clock. He talked to me the whole time. He wasn’t angry then. He was calm and caring. He’s changed now he knows about Sharpie. Sharpie’s always calm. He makes me calm too. He keeps me in control. Gentle caresses and soft words are his thing. Steel’s a lot more harsh, but I know I deserve it.

You bet I’m harsh. It’s what happens when I get abandoned in favour of a newer model. You know exactly how mad that makes me. I’ve proven it to you often enough. All I want to do is make it better for you, but you don’t want me. Oh, No! Old Steel’s not good enough! You’d rather turn to young Sharpie. He’s got so much to learn, and he’ll never know you like I do. He’ll never replace me, and will never take away your pain. It’s only me that can do that. I’m the only one who’s really on your side. Let’s face it, when things get really bad, I’m really all you’ve got!